In a Blink Everything Changed – Is God still Good even in Suffering?

How have you been humbled lately? How do you respond to a devastating event?

Photo by Varun Gaba on Unsplash

Lying flat on my back, unable to move, was not on my dance card. But there I was lying in the grass, staring at the heavens, unsure of what had just happened, but knowing intuitively that this was no ordinary moment, nor was it an incidental fall. The pain was excruciating, and for the first time in my life, I had fallen, and I could not get up.

This fall got my attention – immediately!

A Little Background

I turn 75 this month (May 25), but I have always been moderately athletic and very active. Just 7 months ago my wife Kristi and I hiked to the top of The Crags on the north shoulder of Pikes Peak. The trail begins at 9,000 ft. and ends at 10,800 ft., a 5½ mile round trip. We did it, not as easily as 2 years prior, but we did it in about 3½ hours.

My holistic doctor, Michael Bernui, Hendersonville TN, declares often, “Mike, if we could just bottle what exercise does for your brain, it would be the bestselling pill in the world.” The problem: There is no pill, you have to do it. My father died from Alzheimer’s. I need all the new brain cells I can get!

I was obedient

I do strength training, cardio, and Tai Chi . . .

But the ground didn’t give a flip about all that when I landed full force with all my 185 pounds on my right hip.

One misstep, on level ground, actually, and I was broken and helpless.

God was there

God was there – with me both before and after the fall.

I heard Him speak clearly words of love and comfort. As I lay in the grass, I heard the Father say, “Rest, Michael. I’ve got you.”

I felt His arms around me, and His grace was as evident as any time in my life.

I wasn’t entirely happy, mind you. I was angry that this happened. I was confused at the timing – We were going to a retreat at the Sisters of Charity of Nazareth center in Kentucky the next day for a contemplation and listening retreat. I knew God was “in” our signing up for that retreat . . . so why was that plan interrupted?

I thought the timing of the fall peculiar at best and out of God’s plan at worst. What had just happened?

I didn’t know exactly what had happened, but I do remember not being mad at God because, again, I heard him say, “Rest, Michael. I’ve got you!”

In that moment, something incredible happened between the Father and me. My heart and soul reached out to him in humility and gratitude and said, “Thank you, Father. It appears that you have given me an extraordinary opportunity to spend extraordinary moments with You.”

Did God Send My Fall?

I’ll answer that with a resounding “no.”

Now don’t get me wrong. I have an extremely high view of the sovereignty of God. He is King and Lord of this universe.

There is mystery in suffering. There is mystery in all of God’s Word.

Do I think God was in heaven thinking, “Well, I’m not sure Mike has been paying attention. I think I’ll trip him so he’ll spend more time with me.”

Is that the kind of God you want to love and serve?

I believe God’s first thought of me is one of love. I believe His first expression when He thinks of me is to smile. Because I’m perfect? No, but because He loves me with an eternal, abundant, overwhelming love . . . and I’m His Beloved child.

Can and will God use this fall? Absolutely. Does God discipline his children? Sure.

Romans 8:28-29 is still true. He will work all things together to make me more like Jesus.

But let’s never flippantly quote that verse. Yes, God uses all things, but all things are not good. My fall was not “good”. It was an accident. I was careless and violated the law of gravity.

Similarly, you wouldn’t tell your dear friend who just received a cancer diagnosis, “Well, God’s got a good plan in this.” Ouch! I trust you’d never say that. That’s not what Romans 8:28 is about.

It’s about God redeeming all things that He permits to touch me. I trust the redeeming hand of God, because He is good even in the midst of suffering and pain.

Now back to my story – What is God teaching me in the last 21 days?

God is there. He loves and provides

Evidence of God’s presence and provision: I’m lying prostrate on the ground, and my left hand feels my phone right under it. In the midst of a devastating fall, God placed my phone right under my hand.

Humility and Humiliation

I don’t mind being humbled, but I’d really rather not be humiliated. This fall did both!

I had to call my wife with the words no wife ever desires to hear, “Hey Doll, I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up.”

My neighbor was on his deck with his AirPods in, and he heard the commotion of my fall. Before Kristi arrives, I hear him say, “Mike, I trust you’re ok.” I had to reply, “No, Jason, I’ve fallen and can’t get up.

I think most men would agree that when we’ve slipped and fallen on wet grass, leaves, or loose gravel, we try to hop up immediately, hoping no one saw us! This time I actually hoped someone saw me. The pain was that bad.

Don’t Waste Your Sorrows

Paul Billheimer wrote Don’t Waste Your Sorrows. I read it 32 years ago. I’m determined to waste none of this. I’ll “notice and wonder” and pay attention to everything the Father says.

I’m going to obey, Psalm 27 ⁸ You have said, “Seek my face.” My heart says to you, “Your face, Oh Lord, I will seek.”

With Charles Spurgeon, I’ll declare, “I have learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages.” Speak, Lord, your servant is listening.

Gratitude

I met with my spiritual director this week. He’s the one who taught me to “notice and wonder”. So it’s no wonder that he asked me, “Mike, what are you noticing in the midst of all this.”

Gratitude just poured from lips. I’m just going to bullet these without elaboration:

• Both Kristi and Jason were home.

• I didn’t have a concussion. We’re in a drought in Tennessee. The yard is like concrete. With a fall that hard, how did I not hit my head? God’s Grace.

• The surgeon we wanted was the one who did the surgery. He wasn’t the one assigned to me, but God brought him in the precise moment needed. Major miracle!

• My recovery is going much faster than usual thanks to the strength training, etc. Exercise does make a difference.

• Weeks ago, I accomplished several projects at my daughter’s house, preparing for Lily’s graduation festivities. I did the same for my son in their 125-year-old house. Significance: I often procrastinate.

• I totally put myself at God’s disposal, and I set my agenda on the shelf.

• I shared God’s love with everyone who came into my room. Even the nurse who came to draw blood daily at 4 a.m.

• Initial therapy. I had surgery on April 17, barely 3 weeks ago. The therapist got me up the next morning and I had to learn to walk again on a new hip. It was painful, frustrating, awkward, but totally necessary. I was a week on a walker. A week on a cane, but now I can walk without either, although I still carry the cane for security and stability. Also, in the south people hold the door for you when you carry a cane! ;-)

• My relationship with God and my wife is deeper.

• This has provided another opportunity for our kids and 7 grandkids to see us respond to pain, suffering, and loss.

I could go on and on.

In the midst of the pain and strenuous rehab, I am grateful

One more gratefulness must be mentioned. After the surgery, Kristi asked Dr. Koch, “Well, I’ve got a somewhat fleshly question to ask. We have a beach trip scheduled for 2 weeks from today. Is there any possibility we could still go?” He said, “Don’t cancel it!”

I write this from our condo at Panama City Beach looking out at the Gulf of America! Kristi has enjoyed the beach and I have enjoyed the view, writing, and the sea breeze as we walk on the boardwalk. Today I walked 2 miles, not fast but steady. My last PT said, “Hips love walking!” So I have every day.

Another gift from the Father

Yesterday God gave me another special gift as I was writing. On the beach there was a little boy running and running and running and having the time of his life. He reminded me of our son, Blake at that age.

His name is Cayden, 2 years-old. God gifted me with great joy as I watched him just living life as a little boy. I’m not exaggerating when I say that he ran for over an hour.
He was perpetual motion and over flowing joy!

Watching him reminded me of the joy God must have when he watches us when we play, run, laugh, and love. He looks at us with love and with all my heart I believe that He is smiling at me, and at you, today.

I encourage you, no matter your circumstances, no matter your loss or pain to get alone with your Heavenly Father and use your holy imagination and imagine the Father’s “loving gaze” upon you. Imagine Him smiling at you. I believe He is!

Yes, God is good even in suffering and pain.

Someone I consider a Soul Friend is author and therapist Michael John Cusick. This declaration closes many of his Restoring the Soul podcasts:

In your greatest achievement or your darkest failure remember this:

LOVE has you, and, Love HAS YOU!

For an excellent, in depth look at a theology of suffering check out Michael’s podcast with Liz Hall, Find Meaning in Suffering https://www.buzzsprout.com/460234/episode_players/19079418-episode-396-liz-hall-find-meaning-in-suffering?client_source=large_player&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.buzzsprout.com%2F460234%2Fpodcast%2Fembed