What is Belovedness? How do I get there?

I discovered Belovedness in 2018. I've not been the same. Everything changed!

My journey into Belovedness and Soul Care began in September 2018 when Kristi and I attended the Soul Care Experience at Potter’s Inn, a retreat center in Colorado. Now, this was not in my wheelhouse. Soul Care language was new to me, but when Kristi suggested attending, I readily agreed, saying, “I’m sure I need it more than you!” Truer words were never spoken. I needed a replenishment in my soul in ways I could not even fathom.

Confronting Reality

At the Soul Care Experience, I heard many old things in new ways. I heard about the silos we create to manage our lives. I’d always called it compartmentalization – and I was good at it, or so I thought, but in reality, life was heavy, and my soul was tired. In 12-step recovery language, my life had become “unmanageable.”

“We’re a mess – but we’re a divine mess!” said one retreat leader. I knew I was a mess. Could I really be a divine mess? I wondered . . . and I doubted. He didn’t know how broken I was.

“Belovedness is the bedrock of a healthy soul.”

That week Steve and Gwen Smith, Potter's Inn founders, continually emphasized that Belovedness was the bedrock of a healthy soul. Belovedness must be made personal. It is the key that unlocks everything.

Believing in the unconditional love of God was not new to me. He loves me! Nothing can separate me from His love. I knew it all. I could quote all the scriptures, and I believed it. Period!

But to call me The Beloved . . . oh, my, that was a stretch. Jesus is The Beloved Son. Unfortunately, I was (again) making this about me – broken me – pain causing me – Could this broken me also be The Beloved?

The Father at Work

Moment by moment, step by step, God began to break through. Several times, I was on the verge of tears, even sobbing, but I held it in. On Friday, I told Steve I needed to go somewhere and just weep. He said, “You’ve got the whole afternoon. Go and meet with God.”

An Unexpected Journey

I knew the place - The Cleft in the Rock - that had to be the place where the tears would flow and the healing would begin. But as I approached that sacred place, I felt nothing. I felt empty, dry, and distant. I cried out, “God, what’s wrong with me?”

I tried singing, “He’s on the throne, stop holding on and just be held.” I called for God to hold me, but I still felt nothing. It seemed that God was silent. He ignored all my questions!

Having arrived, I sat in the cleft of the rock and still felt nothing. I cried out, “God, what’s wrong with me?”

Asking the Right Question

Then God spoke, and He changed the subject. He broke through and asked, “Michael, why don’t you ask me the question you really need to ask me?” Somehow, I verbalized the words and asked, “Father, am I truly your Beloved?” My humbled and receptive spirit heard my Heavenly Father say, “Yes!”

The dam broke. Suddenly, the tears flowed. Deep weeping broke from me, releasing pent-up shame and woundedness. Hurts from childhood and adolescence, and great shame and pain were being released to my Father. In those "beloved" moments deep, deep healing began.

I don’t know how long I was there, but eventually, I wondered if anyone was listening. I stood and, sure enough, about 20 yards away stood a young pastor from Austin, TX. I called for him to come on up and spontaneously shared with him what had just happened. The sobs of release ensued again, and he supported me in a great embrace. At the cleft of the rock, I did get held. I was held by a brother and the Father. Belovedness is meant to be shared and is best experienced in community.

Space doesn’t permit me to tell you all that God has done in me and our marriage, but suffice it to say that after experiencing, embracing, and walking in Belovedness, my life will never be the same. And I will never go back.

Belovedness is based not on performance but on relationship. Its foundation is a personal, intimate relationship with God, whose very nature is love. I will never go back to a performance-based relationship with God. I am welcomed into His presence based on what Jesus did and who God is, not on what I’ve done to earn it. Could I ever outperform Jesus? (Just think about that one.)

How is Belovedness at work in your life? Have you encountered and embraced it? How has it changed you? I would love to hear from you. Let’s talk about it in the comments.