Why I Wear Two Rings
One is my wedding ring, a constant reminder of my commitment to my bride. The other is also a reminder of the One whose Love overwhelms and transforms me.
Running on Empty
Seven years ago, I was running on empty. I was busy, busy, busy, but I was depleted, exhausted, and becoming increasingly empty. Can you get more empty than empty? I think you can. At least, in my case, those words make sense. There’s an old adage that says, “When you’re in a hole, stop digging!” I just didn’t know how to stop digging. Can you relate?
12-Step recovery writings mention that the addict will not change until they are desperate and “hit bottom.” I can relate to that, too. I was probably near the bottom, but I just kept digging.
I kept on keeping on, directing a Baptist Association of 40 churches, being a people pleaser, and attacking the next thing on the to-do list. As a Director of Missions, I was like a pastor to pastors. I loved the pastors and I hurt with them in the challenges they faced, but I lacked healthy boundaries. Encouraging pastors and churches was a great joy, but I began to internalize and take on their stress.
My Personal Life was Imploding
I was also trying to keep my personal life from imploding. During one demanding season, my wife asked me, “Do you think you’re Superman?” My response was inadequate. I just said, “No. But there’s simply a lot to get done right now.” She was frustrated, frazzled, and fearful about what the future might hold.
Have you ever been there? Are you there now?
Living as God’s Beloved Child is the Way Out
Thankfully, I’ve discovered a better way. It’s the way of resting in God’s love, knowing who I am in Christ, and moving from living in my head to my heart. It’s the way of discovering God’s heart for me. His heart says, “I love you. You are my Beloved child.” No qualifiers: I love you, if. . . I love you, when. . . God says, “I love you.”
Remember, Beloveds: You have nothing to earn, and nothing to lose, and nothing to gain, and nothing to prove. You are truly, deeply loved! My dear friend, Tara Owens, director of Anam Cara,[1] often closes emails with that quote.
I memorized it and I quote it. Why? I need reminding that I’m Beloved.
I Wear Two Rings because. . .
My wedding ring, a gift from my bride, is a constant reminder of my love for her and her love for me. The second ring is engraved Beloved, proclaiming who I am and whose I am.
I need reminding because I’m forgetful and I get distracted.
I am forgetful because that’s the human condition
Have you ever paid attention to the two key phrases in Deuteronomy? “Remember the Lord your God!” “Don’t forget the Lord your God!” Those commands are used 28 times in that book alone. People are forgetful. That’s why the key to memorization – repeat, repeat, repeat. To safeguard what I’ve memorized – review, review, review. As amazing as it sounds, I can forget that I’m Beloved. Peter declared, “I will never hesitate to remind you” and “It is right that I remind you.” (2 Peter 1:12-15) Every day, as I meet with Jesus under my Beloved Tree, He reaffirms my Belovedness.
Busyness and Noise
We live in a hectic, 24-7, always-on society. But we don’t have to be controlled by it. My spiritual director has drilled into me, “Mike, hurry is not your friend.” He’s right. I have slowed down, and the benefits have been amazing.
Did you know that “NO” is a legitimate answer to a question or opportunity?
We recently declined an invitation to a second mission trip to Latvia. It was not the right timing, nor did it fit the current rhythm of our lives. “No” was the right response. What might you say no to?
Some have said that the Chinese character for “busy” can be translated as “soul annihilation.” I can testify that busyness depletes my soul and can rob me of my sense of Belovedness.
What about the noise?
Yes, there is that voice, the voice that speaks from above and from within and that whispers softly or declares loudly: “You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests.” It certainly is not easy to hear that voice in a world filled with voices that shout: You are no good, you are ugly; you are worthless; you are despicable, you are nobody—unless you can demonstrate the opposite. (Henri Nouwen, Life of the Beloved)
I choose not to let the busyness or noise overwhelm me. Today, I look down at my ring and am comforted – I am Beloved.
Woundedness
When I’ve been hurt, I feel the pain. I want to run, I want to hide, and often, I want to turn the tables and hurt the one who hurt me. I could even question, “God, if you love me, why did you let this happen?” Not very loving thoughts, are they?
When I was recently mistreated, it hurt, but thankfully, my first thoughts turned to Jesus. I remembered His humiliation for me on the Cross. What I experienced was nothing compared to what He endured for me.
I also looked down at my ring and the Father reaffirmed – You are Beloved.
I could go on with things that make me forgetful or distracted. You make your own list. what distracts you? What wounds are you carrying?
Why did I Create my Beloved Ring?
Seven years ago, Kristi and I attended a Soul Care Experience retreat, and it was transformative. We have not been the same. Especially, me. It was there in the Colorado Mountains that God’s love broke through to me in a fresh new way. I was saved at age 9 and have had deep assurance of my salvation for a long time. I believed deeply in the unconditional love of God. I could teach and preach it and help others to accept and experience it.
Pervasive, Lingering Doubts Persisted
Despite all that, however, there was a pervasive, lingering doubt – did it apply to me? You see, the leadership of this retreat spoke of the Love of God using the word Belovedness in ways that I could barely comprehend. Thankfully, on the 3rd day of that 5-day retreat, God broke through.[2] I discovered that it did include me.
Stephen W. Smith, @pottersinn, is our Soul Care mentor. He and his wife, Gwen, led that retreat. He also has a Beloved ring. If he needs a reminder of his Belovedness, so do I.
We took communion together at the closing of the Soul Care Experience. During the prayer time that followed the retreat staff passed around the room to bless the participants. Steve Smith grabbed me in a big bear hug and declared, “You don’t need no DOM title to be Beloved. You already are!” He used bad English to make a point, and the point came through. Belovedness is not based on a title or my performance; it’s based on a love relationship with God.
An Incredible Gift!
Sandy, a spiritual director with Potter’s Inn, overwhelmed me. Earlier in the retreat, Kristi met with Sandy for spiritual direction. Kristi told her own story as well as the story we had been living. I, frankly, thought Sandy was disgusted with me the rest of the week.
But Sandy, the one who had heard Kristi’s story, came and placed her hands on my head and said,
"You are Beloved. God has spoken it! It doesn't matter what has gone before! Live in it from this day forward. You are blessed! You are the Beloved!"
My eyes were flooded with tears. I could not see, but I grabbed my notebook and wrote down her incredible words. I had to remember that moment forever. It changed my life! I was overwhelmed that the one who heard Kristi's story could pronounce Belovedness over me. It was beyond description.
I wear a Beloved ring today, not to be reminded. I wear it because – I am Beloved!
[1] https://anamcara.com/ Anam Cara is a Celtic phrase meaning Soul Friends.
[2] For my testimony, https://635916.substack.com/p/my-journey-to-belovedness
Wonderful article. Great truths shared. I have lived there for most of my life. Cancer and great chaos in my life brought me to a place where God finally got through to my hard head and heart, how much He loves me. Changed my life.